Happy
Holidays everyone! A lot has happened since my last post. On December
9th I had a total Hysterectomy due to cancer recurrence. Almost 6 years
ago, 9 months after my first child was born, I was diagnosed with
endometrial cancer and underwent surgery to remove a large tumor and my
right fallopian tube. A year of treatment later and I was given a
"clean bill of health" to try to have another child in May of 2005.
Due to my PCOS, irregular/heavy menstrual cycles (both due to my
obesity) and only 1 fallopian tube, my chances of conceiving naturally
were pretty slim. My husband and I decided to go to an infertility
specialist, and we hadn't even finished with the preliminary tests,
when we had already spent about $1,000. It was very discouraging and
frankly we didn't have the kind of money that it took for all the
treatments. So we just tried ourselves, but after a year or so of
trying I almost gave up. I desperately wanted another child and got a
little depressed about it and ended up gaining weight. My friend food
made me feel better. Mid 2007 I started to buy those over the counter
ovulation test kits. I went through one kit and nothing happened. I
tracked all my cycles to perfection and was totally aware of the signs
of ovulation. So I bought another test and another test. Finally, one
day in January of 2008 I tested myself and was positive for ovulation,
Michael was about to leave the house to go to a party, as it was
Superbowl Sunday. He was literally, out the door and I had to stop him
to tell him I was ovulating and he is NOT going anywhere!!! (at least
not for 2-5 minutes he wasn't...tee hee) Anyway------so while it wasn't
very romantic, the job was done. I propped my legs on the wall for
about 1/2 and hour and let gravity help. I was confident that would do
the trick. The next month I got my period. I was devastated. I was
so emotionally spent. Hoping every month for those little lines to show
up. In March 2008 I had to go to get my bi--annual ultrasound to
monitor any growth on my uterus. What was supposed to be a 20 min.
appt. turned out to be 1hour and 45 min. After 2 Techs and not much
being said a Radiologist came in and I bluntly asked him "Whats going
on? Did you find something?" I thought the worst. He said "Well Mrs.
Gross, whats going on is we think you are pregnant". I was in complete
shock--I told him " I am not pregnant, I think I would know if I was"
and then he scanned me and there it was--this little tiny sac with a
teeny beating heart. My own heart started to beat so hard. I was
overwhelmed with emotion and I started to cry. The Tech said " Are you
okay Mrs. Gross?" I said to her "I have been trying to get pregnant for
a couple of years now and I was told I never would be able to!"I then
got really excited and drove all the way home crying to tell my
husband! We made phone calls to family and then to my Obgyn to start
prenatal care! Superbowl Sunday will always be special to us, and I
was never really a fan to begin with.;) In Oct 2008 my miracle baby
was born. Nadav Eitan, all 12lbs 3oz and 21in. of him. It was actually
on the operating table that my Obgyn stated "I think this is it for
you, isn't it?" I didn't realize it then, but I obviously knew that he
really was a miracle and when I delivered him I was my heaviest weight
ever at 333lbs. Talk about a really tough pregnancy. 2 months later I
started to go through the steps I needed to get gastric bypass. A few
months later after I finished breastfeeding I had started to get my
period again. It was heavy and irregular more so than anything I had
ever experienced. Then I got bypass 9/1/09 and it wasn't until early
November that I finally went to my Gynecologic Oncologist and told him
that I was miserable with my periods and I had even thought I might
have needed to go to the ER at one point. He told me it was time to
have a hysterectomy and that there were no other options. I had
pre-surgical testing and my ultrasound came back with a mass in my
uterus. Dec. 9th they went in not really knowing what they were going
to find or what they were going to take out. The initial plan was to
leave my ovaries but as they went in (laproscopically first, but that
proved to be too difficult with all my scar tissue) all the scar tissue
from my previous surgeries had adhesed everything together, even my
bladder. To even try to pull it all apart would do more damage. They
biopsied all my tissues and nodes and sent them to the lab. I woke up
to find out that they indeed took everything. While I was informed
about that possibility, I fooled myself to thinking that I was
emotionally prepared for that. My Dr. came in the next day to discuss
the surgery and their findings and that was it. I was in the hospital
for 5 days and I was actually relieved at the idea of never having a
period again! A little over a week later and I went to get my staples
out and get the pathology report. First of all, let me tell you my
recovery would have been much worse 70 lbs ago! My incisions for my
previous surgeries always healed very nicely and quickly, this time is
was terrible. It looked like a train wreck. It opened a little and it
oozed and smelled! Not good! My Dr. said it was normal and it would
stop, so I dealt with it. Anyway, my results were for the most part
good. My cancer had indeed come back. The biopsy of the other tissues,
(the nodes and surrounding) all came back negative but because the
tumor was positive and it went deep into my uterine wall some cells
could have gotten into my blood stream. So, I need to have a CAT scan
and he will give me his final report in 3 weeks. So there it is. I am
staying positive although it is very hard at times. Especially when I
look at my beautiful children. I actually had a bad night last night.
After dinner I felt miserable, I had the chills and ached. I couldn't
get warm, so I got into a hot shower. My mind was thinking of the worst
and for the first time I had a vision of my body being ravaged by
cancer and that was why my body hurt and ached. I started to cry at the
thought of dying and leaving my husband and kids with no wife or mother
at such a young age. It really bothered me. I never entertained
thoughts of death before, I have always been very positive about my
diagnoses, past and present. It scared the shit out of me to think that
I could die. I am going to focus on my health and my family's health
from now on. Losing 77 lbs. so far has been fabulous! I feel so much
different, my clothes feel different, eating and food don't hold me
hostage anymore. I am a new woman and I have lots of hope for the
future. I love my life and my family and plan to "live" for the first
time in many, many years. I am Jewish and celebrate Hanukkah but this
is in a way my "Christmas Miracle" story! Happy Holidays everyone and
Have a Happy, Healthy New Year! See you in 2010! Peace out!
Our Trip to Israel Aug. 2010
At Rosh Hanikra
Friday, December 25, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
3 months out!----248lbs--Down 65lbs.!!!!
O---M---G!!!! First of all it has been a couple of weeks since my last entry, but I have a lot going on right now--Lets Discuss..... I am now 248lbs! The last time I was 248lbs. was 7 years ago when I got pregnant with my first child!!! I am feeling GREAT! When I left off a couple of weeks ago I was in the midst of getting ready for a small vacay to Las Vegas! I weighed 256lbs on the day I flew to Vegas. That was the 19th. Not only did we have a blast, but there is so much walking to be done there! I could NEVER have done all the walking that I did, 60lbs. ago! That is for sure! I did it in a quick pace, nothing ached and I didn't get winded! Hallelujah!!! That alone was a milestone for me! So when I got back on the 23rd, I weighed myself with the thought that I must have lost at least 5 pounds from just all the walking I did! NOPE!! I was so shocked! I didn't lose a single pound! Still 256lbs! How can that be? I was not only annoyed, but worried that I was in a lull again! So I decided that I wasn't going to weigh myself at all the rest of the week until I went to my 3 month check-up with my surgeon. On 12/1 I weighed 250lbs. Which crossed off one of my weight loss goals!!! Well today December 4th 2009 I weigh 248lbs!!!! Michael and I were just looking at old pictures and we ran across one of Noah and I taken Fall/2004 and I almost vomited a little in my mouth.
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